To Silas on Your Seventeenth Birthday,

Seventeen. I could write a million words expressing how it feels like you were born just yesterday and I’m not quite sure how we are here already. Of how you were just a little boy with your big blue eyes, sandy blonde hair, tiny little voice, and the chubbiest of cheeks. Of how I blinked and you were grown.

I could write of how it doesn’t feel real. Of how it feels like years were stolen away. Of how there are days I would give anything to rewind a bit and see you smile and laugh the way you used to. You know - before everything. Of how I wish I could wipe away all of your pain and make it better.

Because that’s all true.

But what is also true is the Silas I know today wouldn’t be the same Silas were it not for all that you’ve been through. You see, our life experiences shape and mold who we become. What matters is what we do with those experiences. They can make us better. And stronger. They can grow us.

And I truly believe that everything you’ve walked through has grown you. Our counselor describes grief as the loss of our anticipated future. Silas, in your grief - you have found your future.

I have watched you step into and pursue your passion. I have watched you work so incredibly hard to do what you love. You have discovered your dreams - what you want to do, how you want to do it, and have created a pathway to make it happen. You have found your true self over everyone’s else desires or expectations of you. You know what you value and what you stand for. There’s beauty in that.

I have also watched you learn to push through the hard. You haven’t given up in the most difficult of times. You keep getting up and trying, even when you feel like you can’t. There’s also beauty in that.

Silas, when I look at you, I don’t just see my son that I am oh so proud of. The son that made me a mom. The son that made my heart overflow with inexpressible love at first sight. The son that forever changed me. I also see a friend. Our friendship has grown beyond what I ever thought possible. I cherish that we can talk about anything - even the deepest parts of your heart. I love that you can come to me and that you do. I am so grateful for our relationship.

More than anything, I pray for you. I pray that God will use your life, your story, and your dreams to excel you into the future He has for you. Because I know that it is great. I pray that you will seek after Him with your whole heart and find yourself In Him. I pray that you will use your incredible talents for His glory. I pray that you have hope, joy, and friendship in Him - the true giver of life.

I am expectant of what’s to come in this next year for you. As you step into the last year of your childhood, your upcoming Senior year, and begin applying for colleges - I pray it’s an incredible time and season that you’ll always remember. I honestly cannot wait to see where you end up, because I know you’ll do amazing things with that incredible mind, your kind heart, and your passion for music.

I love you beyond words, my boy. Nothing will ever change that.

All my love,

Mom