everything now and everything then
If you follow my posts, you know that our plans for Eli's birthday dramatically changed as we drove into the parking lot of the waterpark and found it was closed. I looked into the rear view mirror and saw Eli's sweet eyes welling up with tears. This was his day and all I wanted to do was make him feel loved and feel happy. I immediately knew I had to fix it.
Thankfully, we rebounded. God gave me an idea and we had a glorious day.
We rescheduled for today. The kids woke up super excited, we geared up in our swimsuits and sunscreen, and headed for our favorite spot, our summer happy place. The gate was closed. {Face palm}. I wanted to cry. It was all I could do to not cry, actually. I must have looked at the calendar wrong, and the crazy thing was that I had checked it prior to going. The days are running together and I feel like the small things can easily feel like big things. The funny thing about life is it just keeps going. Your life feels like it's been completely turned upside down, and yet everyone else's remains the same. The sun keeps rising and setting. Your "normal" is suddenly replaced with the what's, the how's, and all the big questions and you grasp onto anything that feels normal. All you want is normal. But there are moments you forget. Even still, there is beauty in the mess, in the chaos, and in the uncertainty. God meets you there.
It certainly doesn't mean everything is easy. One step in front of the other. One moment at a time. People keep asking me, "how are you doing?" or "what do you need?" and I find myself not knowing how to answer that. I don't really know what I want or what I need. There's no good answer. The world keeps spinning, even though my life feels like it was turned upside down.
As we were driving away from the waterpark, a song began playing in the background. I had one of my playlists on shuffle and the words caught my ear, even over the 6 other voices in the car and the discouragement and disappointment in my heart. I was fighting the thoughts of why can't one thing go right or be easy? Suddenly I found myself hanging onto - or rather, grasping- these words.
All of my hopes
All of my fears
All of my wants
And all of my years
Everything now and everything then
All my life I resolve
You're worthy of it all
Worthy of it all
You're worthy of it all
Please, listen to the song here. It is beautiful. Funny how you can hear something a million time - a song, a scripture, even a saying - and it takes on a whole new meaning at different times in your life. The Word of God is true, or it isn't. I believe in HIM, or I don't. It's that easy. As believers we talk about faith and trust a lot, but do we really have faith? Do we really trust Him? It's "easy" to believe when everything is going as planned. But when you come face to face with your deepest fear or your worst nightmare, what do you really believe?
I believe Him. I believe that He still holds all of my hopes, all of my fears, all of my wants, and all of my years. Everything now, and everything then, He is worthy of it all. Our faith isn't defined by our circumstances, but our circumstances certainly can show where our faith lies. "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." That couldn't be more true.
Thankfully, today we also rebounded. We made new plans and we had fun. He is gracious and He holds us. There is so much beauty in the mess if you are willing to open your eyes to see it. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Thankfully, we rebounded. God gave me an idea and we had a glorious day.
We rescheduled for today. The kids woke up super excited, we geared up in our swimsuits and sunscreen, and headed for our favorite spot, our summer happy place. The gate was closed. {Face palm}. I wanted to cry. It was all I could do to not cry, actually. I must have looked at the calendar wrong, and the crazy thing was that I had checked it prior to going. The days are running together and I feel like the small things can easily feel like big things. The funny thing about life is it just keeps going. Your life feels like it's been completely turned upside down, and yet everyone else's remains the same. The sun keeps rising and setting. Your "normal" is suddenly replaced with the what's, the how's, and all the big questions and you grasp onto anything that feels normal. All you want is normal. But there are moments you forget. Even still, there is beauty in the mess, in the chaos, and in the uncertainty. God meets you there.
It certainly doesn't mean everything is easy. One step in front of the other. One moment at a time. People keep asking me, "how are you doing?" or "what do you need?" and I find myself not knowing how to answer that. I don't really know what I want or what I need. There's no good answer. The world keeps spinning, even though my life feels like it was turned upside down.
As we were driving away from the waterpark, a song began playing in the background. I had one of my playlists on shuffle and the words caught my ear, even over the 6 other voices in the car and the discouragement and disappointment in my heart. I was fighting the thoughts of why can't one thing go right or be easy? Suddenly I found myself hanging onto - or rather, grasping- these words.
All of my hopes
All of my fears
All of my wants
And all of my years
Everything now and everything then
All my life I resolve
You're worthy of it all
Worthy of it all
You're worthy of it all
Please, listen to the song here. It is beautiful. Funny how you can hear something a million time - a song, a scripture, even a saying - and it takes on a whole new meaning at different times in your life. The Word of God is true, or it isn't. I believe in HIM, or I don't. It's that easy. As believers we talk about faith and trust a lot, but do we really have faith? Do we really trust Him? It's "easy" to believe when everything is going as planned. But when you come face to face with your deepest fear or your worst nightmare, what do you really believe?
I believe Him. I believe that He still holds all of my hopes, all of my fears, all of my wants, and all of my years. Everything now, and everything then, He is worthy of it all. Our faith isn't defined by our circumstances, but our circumstances certainly can show where our faith lies. "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power for You created all things, and because of Your will they existed, and were created." That couldn't be more true.
Thankfully, today we also rebounded. We made new plans and we had fun. He is gracious and He holds us. There is so much beauty in the mess if you are willing to open your eyes to see it. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
