diving head first.
Most of the time I sit down and begin to write and the words just fall onto the page, or computer screen, that is. This one has been harder to start. I know what's on my mind, but perhaps it's more difficult for me to share. But, it's on my mind nonetheless, so here we go...
Even as a young girl, I always struggled with other people's opinions of me. I think that is a common, human response. If Eva is being a little stinker and I ask her, "are you being loving and kind?", her eyes immediately turn to giant puppy dog eyes with tears welling in them, her little lip comes out, and it's as if I have devastated her whole little world. Why? Because she doesn't like the feeling that I would be displeased with her. I am her mommy who is always cheering her on and responding to every cute little thing that she does - which believe me, is a lot! She doesn't want me to be upset with her. I completely resonate with that. It's not that I want people to believe that I am perfect, which is something I have been told. But, I don't like to disappoint people.
Here's the thing though... I can have multiple people love me, that all have different opinions. Different points of view. Different ideas. And that's okay. But with that, often comes judgment. When someone doesn't understand how or why you are doing something, have done something, or have the ability to do something and come to a conclusion without knowing all the facts - that's judgment. Let me tell you something so freeing though. I am never going to please everyone, and I don't have to.
Put God First in Trust.
“Jesus did not commit Himself unto them,…for He knew what was in man” (John 2:24-25).
Even as a young girl, I always struggled with other people's opinions of me. I think that is a common, human response. If Eva is being a little stinker and I ask her, "are you being loving and kind?", her eyes immediately turn to giant puppy dog eyes with tears welling in them, her little lip comes out, and it's as if I have devastated her whole little world. Why? Because she doesn't like the feeling that I would be displeased with her. I am her mommy who is always cheering her on and responding to every cute little thing that she does - which believe me, is a lot! She doesn't want me to be upset with her. I completely resonate with that. It's not that I want people to believe that I am perfect, which is something I have been told. But, I don't like to disappoint people.
Here's the thing though... I can have multiple people love me, that all have different opinions. Different points of view. Different ideas. And that's okay. But with that, often comes judgment. When someone doesn't understand how or why you are doing something, have done something, or have the ability to do something and come to a conclusion without knowing all the facts - that's judgment. Let me tell you something so freeing though. I am never going to please everyone, and I don't have to.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
"It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe." Proverbs 29:25
Let me tell you, in the past couple of weeks I have had every emotion in the book with fear and humiliation being at the top of the list. I also have questioned myself over and over and over again. Is this from God? No. Fear doesn't come from God. Shame doesn't come from God. If I'm truthful, a lot of my feelings are coming from pride. So, what is truth?
Music calms my spirit and I've been blasting it in my car these days. It's as if the louder you play it, the more soothing it becomes. So many songs have resonated with me lately and this one comes to mind when I step outside of myself and come back to how God sees me:
I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am
I am loved by Him. It's who I am. Let me say, when you feel like your world has come crashing down and it's just all out there for the world to see - people talking, opinions forming, even having to listen to the hurt of others as if I should have to bear that weight - you come to the end of yourself. And it is freeing. Who the heck cares what others think? I don't have to be some pretty picture of what people expect me to be. I don't have to run or hide. I can be exactly who God created me to be. As long as I am surrendering to Him, laying my fears, my burdens, myself, at His feet - that's the only thing that matters. People can talk. People can form opinions. I don't care.
My only care is how God sees me.
I read a devotional last night by Oswald Chambers and I will just leave it right here, because I couldn't form the words any better.
“Jesus did not commit Himself unto them,…for He knew what was in man” (John 2:24-25).
"Our Lord...put God first in trust; He trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for any man. If I put my trust in human beings first, I will end in despairing of everyone; I will become bitter, because I have insisted on man being what no man ever can be — absolutely right. Never trust anything but the grace of God in yourself or in anyone else."
So where do I go from here?
Dive head first into who He has called me to be, freeing myself of everything that hinders.
"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith." Hebrews 12:1-2
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| You can learn a lot from these little ones. They're fearless. Without care. Live free of the weights that slow you down. |
