At this moment.

Water of Life, what if I said I was thirsty?

Bread of Life, what if I said I was hungry?

Would You pour Your Spirit on me, Lord?

Would Your glory fall,

Like the waters fill the sea?

Living Water, cover me

Flood my heart with every single beat

All You are, is all I'll ever need,

I love You! I love You!

I’m currently sitting at the gym with headphones, while JJ is in jiu jitsu class.  The music cannot play loud enough.  Over the past few days tears have suddenly poured from my eyes without notice; there’s literally no control over it. It’s been an emotional whirlwind, which has kinda snuck up on me. Saturday, my dad and I spent the entire day purchasing a new car. Even though I laid my expectations out immediately - what kind of car I wanted, what I wanted the payment to be, my desire to trade in my current vehicle - somehow we still spent 8 hours there. I teared up signing papers, with just my signature.  I drove home in my shiny new car, proud of myself and yet also feeling like it felt so wrong. 

Church was beautiful, but oh so emotional praying over all the men and boys in the room. My kids were totally fine. I was ugly crying. Thankfully waterproof mascara saved the day. And hugs. And “I love you mommy’s”.  And iced tea. And text messages. I have felt restless, not quite knowing what to do with myself. Uncertainty, fear, and feelings of being alone have snuck into my thoughts. I know it’s not truth, and yet the feelings stab my heart unexpectedly. 

Tears for the future. Tears for my children. Tears for broken dreams. 

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

My flesh is weak right now.  His Spirit is not. His power is made perfect in weakness.  I don’t know how to do this, admittedly.  This wasn’t a part of my plan.  Though I don’t understand what His plan is at this moment, I do trust it wholeheartedly. 

Author of Life, speak Your Word so I can hear You

Father of Life, all I want is to, be near You

Would You pour Your Spirit on me, Lord?

Would Your glory fall,

Like the waters fill the sea?

Processing all my thoughts & emotions, trying to figure out how to navigate the kids, taking care of life responsibilities that do not just simply go away - it’s a lot. Again, I don’t know how to do it. In this moment, I can only rely on His strength.  I don’t say any of this for sympathy or to bring attention to myself, but to be open and honest. I want to live in the truth and to lay it all out there. I have very much felt led and encouraged to share my story, trusting God will use it somehow  He has been so faithful and here with me through it all. When I cry out in the middle of the night, in the car as I sing praise to Him, in the Word as I read each day - He is with me. 

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”

All you are is all I'll ever need.  Would you pour your Spirit on me, Lord?  

-lyrics from Living Water, listen here

 

In this moment, you can see the joy, the happiness, the smiles.