a new journey: from CA to IA
It's been a little bit. The past couple of months, I have been unusually quiet. Quiet, compared to the preceding year of sharing my journey in all its forms - the ups, the downs, and all the spaces in between. I've thought often of how God uses our weakness for His glory and how that's played out in my life. There's no part of me that's ever desired attention or enjoyed any amount of focus on me. And yet from the time I was a young girl, I instinctively knew I'd be sharing my story one day. Except in my mind, I didn't have a story to tell. I remember sitting in my room as a young girl with a pen and a blank notebook wondering what I was supposed to write down. Fast forward thirty some odd years to the day I found myself curled up in a ball in my in law's driveway, having just received the worst news my mind could possibly fathom, and the clarity finally came. The shy little girl that wouldn't hit a t-ball in front of her own parents, would barely speak in front of anyone, and who liked to keep things to herself was now front page news, dealing publicly with a situation of nightmares. I couldn't give accurate statistics and no doubt, people go through difficult things all the time, but this was one for the books. Many of you have followed along, supported me, and diligently prayed along the way. I've written my heart on the page and it can all be found here within these pages. I've shared my fears, the very real and raw pain, the day to day struggles, but most importantly, the faithfulness of God to see us through. I will forever proclaim that and continue to do so, as this story is ever being written.
So, I want to honor that and continue to share what God has been up to. Beginning in January, I began to feel unsettled, but wasn't quite sure what that meant. I spoke to several people in my inner circle and told them I wasn't sure what, or when, or how, but I didn't feel like I was where I was supposed to be. I would be fully committed to whatever God had for me here, until shown otherwise, but to please pray for direction, for clarity, for peace. I began praying for God to open doors and slam doors and to clearly guide and direct my steps. I really began pressing into what faith actually looks like. Is it staying? It it going? Doesn't it involve action? Yes, God will direct and God has plans, but we have to act. We have to take the steps. If you go back to my previous posts, you'll see that process even further as I sought the Lord and His guidance.
Leading into the one year marker, which felt like a massive milestone for me, God directed me to take a social media break for eleven days. God brought the story of the Israelites journey out of Egypt to me multiple times through various means. The idea that the journey from Egypt to the Promised Land should have only been an eleven day journey really stood out to me. I couldn't get it out of my head and when I looked at the calendar, it was May 4th - eleven days before the one year marker I had been counting down to. I decided to spend the next eleven days as distraction free as possible, seeking out what God wanted to show me during this time. I didn't want to miss it. On May 15th, two people that have been influential in my life and specifically throughout the past year both messaged me that God told them to tell me "It's time." Time for what? I wasn't quite sure, but I kept seeking. I began conversing with my parents regarding what God had been speaking to my heart that we were not supposed to stay in San Diego. I prayed that God would bring us all into alignment and that if this was from God, He would bless it and show us the way. It has been so important for me to not look to the left or to the right, but seek Him. I intentionally sought guidance and wisdom from the people that have walked this journey with me, eliminating outside voices and distractions. If there's anything the enemy wants to do, it's derail us. Confuse us. Make us question and doubt God's direction and second guess our decisions.
You guys, God is so good and so faithful. He brings peace that surpasses all understanding. He works all things for the good of those who love Him. I know, I repeat it over and over and over, because it is true. I have tasted and I have seen and He is good. Fast forwarding a few months, God has given us clear direction and so meticulously worked out every single detail, there is not even a question in my mind it's from God. In 7 days, we will be leaving San Diego for good. San Diego is all I have known since college, all my kids have ever known, and has become my parent's home. God is creating new and we are stepping out in faith on this new journey. New. He makes all things new. My children need and are craving the space to just be. We are not running away. God is restoring and healing all of our hearts and giving my children the space and freedom to live a simpler life. They have had the weight of the world on their shoulders. They have had to live and process things no child should have to process. They have carried this so well and my heart is a combination of absolute breaking and beaming all at the same time. No one will ever comprehend, understand, or begin to imagine the conversations we have had, the thoughts and fears they have had, and the pain they have endured. They are ecstatic, they are happy, and I know they'll feel a huge sense of relief in the coming days. That doesn't mean it's not difficult or bittersweet. No doubt, parts of it feel impossibly hard. But, we are choosing faith, we are choosing joy, we are choosing God's best for us. To a large degree I have protected, and there are so many things I wish I could share that they have shared with me. Sweet JJ told me recently that he was done crying and he wanted the best life we could have, which is what I believe God is leading us into. I know it.
I am sure there are so many questions. The past month has literally been a whirlwind. I will give bullet points and you know I will be sharing so much more later, but here's what's important and all answers to prayer. We are moving to Iowa. Yes, Iowa. Fun fact, I had to look it up on a map. When all of this came about and I spoke to the boys about moving, the boy's biggest plea was "Can we just go now and not start school here?" I told them I had zero control over that and that was up to God. I had previously visited, God confirmed this was where we were going, but I wasn't sure of the timeline. We listed our house and it sold in less than 48 hours. My dad and I flew out three days later and found a home there that works perfectly for us that we love. I found a sweet little Christian school that all four kids will attend and I will work at part-time. My mom will continue her same job in Iowa. I have met someone, who is everything I have prayed for and more. It's such a God story that only He could do and that story is coming, I promise. It will blow you away. God has worked out every tiny detail and it's to the point where I say "what is God going to do today?"
My heart hasn't been to keep everything a secret, God just made it all happen so fast. We have acted in faith and walked through the doors. I was waiting for our church to make the announcement before I spoke of anything, as I didn't want to blast news out of order. In the meantime, our whole family has been quarantined the past 16 days. Unfortunately, we tested positive for Covid and have been healing from that. There's so much I could say, but let me just say that it is very real, it is very awful, and we have felt helpless at times. We are finally healing and recovering and oh so thankful to be on the other side of it. We'd love your prayers for complete healing and energy, as we will need it in the days ahead for our cross country journey. Please pray for us as we settle in, make new friends, begin at a new school, and discover all that God has for us ahead. I know it will be amazing, because He is in it. Thank you for all of your prayers along the way and I cannot wait to continue to share all He does!
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track."
