Family Photos

Photos may be my love language.

They’ve always been important to me. There’s something special about being able to document a moment and carry it forever. But equally, many photos carry so much more than what the lens can capture. You see, I still wanted the photos even in the worst of moments. Even if my world was collapsing around me, I didn’t want to forget my kid’s faces, the teeth that were missing, the times they all wore their favorite colors, or their favorite character tee at the time.

I often wondered whether this was good or bad. Was it fake to project something that didn’t feel real - smiles - when life felt painful? As I look back, I experience a contrast of feelings. There’s times I’m triggered as I remember the pain and truth behind the moments. But I realize that was something I carried, not my kids. And there was real joy in the moments with them, despite the destructiveness of my marriage. I also look back and see an innocence in my children’s faces without the weights that they now carry. It’s bittersweet. It’s both/and.

I guess I realized that I don’t have to put a label on it.

Not every moment was bad. And not every moment was good. That’s just what they were. Moments.

And every moment has lead to here. To now.

I didn’t understand all the why’s or how’s at the time. But I can truly look back at my life now - just like Joseph - who stood before the same brothers that threw him it a pit and sold him as a slave and say, “what man intended for evil, God intended for good.” I trust that God didn’t cause it, but God held it. God worked it all for good. And He will continue to work it for good.

That was a long-winded way of saying we took family photos the other night. It was a last minute idea. I was sad that we hadn’t taken them with the beautiful fall leaves, but realized it wasn’t too late. I looked at the weather forecast and saw a beautiful, sunny day ahead. So with two days notice, I let my family know we were taking photos. I got outfits together. I rearranged some things. I charged my camera and found my tripod. I lovingly asked everyone to cooperate - to which everyone obliged. And we took the photos.

And I love everything about them. Not because they’re perfect. But because they capture the people that I love most in the world. They capture the people that have been by my side, who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me, and believed with me. They capture both the joy and the pain. They capture the goodness of God. And no, not everyone will know every single detail - but, I do. But as I go - as we go - I will forever share the story of God’s work in our lives.

Thank you, Lord, for your goodness.