part three.
Vulnerability. This has been on my mind a lot lately. It's easy to live for the instant gratification of likes, but not so easy to expose the raw and the real. We tend to hide behind masks. And perhaps, not even intentionally. But I am beginning to feel like in doing so we are not only harming ourselves, but others. The perfect little instagram squares don't tell the whole story.
"Sometimes we hide because we feel unworthy and sometimes we hide because we are afraid of what might happen if we let our light shine. What you hold inside - when you don’t show your issues, you die. When you don’t share your gift, you die. You are dying because of what you are hiding. If we expose our sin, we can be healed. If we hide it, we die. And here’s the thing, a lot of us are dying on the inside because our issues are beneath our skin. We don’t tell anybody. We post and we pretend. We do our thing."
How many people are secretly dying on the inside, because they don't feel like they can expose themselves? They feel isolated. Alone. When in reality, we are all the same. There's nothing new under the sun. We all struggle. We all sin. We all need Jesus. We fear judgement, so it seems easier to pretend. But I can tell ya, living in the dark is exactly where the enemy wants us. "But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin." There is freedom in the light. This is how we are called to live.
I certainly don't have it all figured out, but I can say that I have learned so much. Believe me, had I any foresight of what was to come, I most likely would have pleaded with God for this situation to have somehow been private, or really to not exist at all. But I believe it's all part of a bigger story that God wanted me to share, so I can only be obedient to that. And to trust in His ultimate good.
When all of this happened, walking into a room was terrifying. I mentioned before that it felt like I was standing in front of the world naked. I couldn't run or hide, but simply face it. It felt like all eyes were on me and I couldn't imagine what people were possibly thinking. Silas fractured his wrist within a couple days of the news breaking and I remember taking him to Kaiser for x-rays. When the receptionist asked our last name, I had a lump in my throat. Would she recognize the name? Was she judging me? We moved to the waiting room and the local news was on. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. What if the story came on? Somehow it felt like everyone already knew anyway. They were staring at us in their silent judgment. Of course, this isn't the case. I had no frame of reference of who knew what or what they were thinking. People tend to talk behind you, not to you. So it's not like I knew anything, but my imagination certainly went wild. You guys. I could not live in that! I very quickly came to realize there's only one opinion that matters, and that is God's. Also, that people were nothing but gracious. And loving. And kind.
We tend to identify ourselves by our roles - mom, wife, photographer - you get the idea. But this does not encompass all of who we, or define us. Just a couple weeks ago I was filling out Eva's preschool forms. When it came to the box to check single, married, or divorced, I stopped in my tracks. Divorced. It felt like a scarlet letter. A new label I now had to carry around. My eyes welled with tears. Let me tell you a secret. That does not define me. It was a real life moment. A moment of weakness. A moment of shame. A loss of a dream. It felt like a failure. But my God does not speak that over me. I am a child of God. THAT is my identity, first and foremost.
"The moment the revelation hits you that the only one that knows you completely is the same one who loves you unconditionally, you will be unstoppable in the Kingdom of God. You’re missing the miracle because you feel unworthy. God never predicated His blessing on your worthiness. Perfection is not the price of admission to the Kingdom of God nor to the great works and mighty things He has called you to do on the earth. Imperfection has never stopped God from blessing anybody. The only thing that blocks your blessing is unbelief."
I truly believe that. If we could accept God's view of us, rather than believing the lies that we tell ourselves - we would be unstoppable. I also believe that if we lived this life in community, rather than isolation, we'd also be an unstoppable force. So don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Share your story and open the door for God to use it!
"Sometimes we hide because we feel unworthy and sometimes we hide because we are afraid of what might happen if we let our light shine. What you hold inside - when you don’t show your issues, you die. When you don’t share your gift, you die. You are dying because of what you are hiding. If we expose our sin, we can be healed. If we hide it, we die. And here’s the thing, a lot of us are dying on the inside because our issues are beneath our skin. We don’t tell anybody. We post and we pretend. We do our thing."
How many people are secretly dying on the inside, because they don't feel like they can expose themselves? They feel isolated. Alone. When in reality, we are all the same. There's nothing new under the sun. We all struggle. We all sin. We all need Jesus. We fear judgement, so it seems easier to pretend. But I can tell ya, living in the dark is exactly where the enemy wants us. "But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin." There is freedom in the light. This is how we are called to live.
I certainly don't have it all figured out, but I can say that I have learned so much. Believe me, had I any foresight of what was to come, I most likely would have pleaded with God for this situation to have somehow been private, or really to not exist at all. But I believe it's all part of a bigger story that God wanted me to share, so I can only be obedient to that. And to trust in His ultimate good.
When all of this happened, walking into a room was terrifying. I mentioned before that it felt like I was standing in front of the world naked. I couldn't run or hide, but simply face it. It felt like all eyes were on me and I couldn't imagine what people were possibly thinking. Silas fractured his wrist within a couple days of the news breaking and I remember taking him to Kaiser for x-rays. When the receptionist asked our last name, I had a lump in my throat. Would she recognize the name? Was she judging me? We moved to the waiting room and the local news was on. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. What if the story came on? Somehow it felt like everyone already knew anyway. They were staring at us in their silent judgment. Of course, this isn't the case. I had no frame of reference of who knew what or what they were thinking. People tend to talk behind you, not to you. So it's not like I knew anything, but my imagination certainly went wild. You guys. I could not live in that! I very quickly came to realize there's only one opinion that matters, and that is God's. Also, that people were nothing but gracious. And loving. And kind.
We tend to identify ourselves by our roles - mom, wife, photographer - you get the idea. But this does not encompass all of who we, or define us. Just a couple weeks ago I was filling out Eva's preschool forms. When it came to the box to check single, married, or divorced, I stopped in my tracks. Divorced. It felt like a scarlet letter. A new label I now had to carry around. My eyes welled with tears. Let me tell you a secret. That does not define me. It was a real life moment. A moment of weakness. A moment of shame. A loss of a dream. It felt like a failure. But my God does not speak that over me. I am a child of God. THAT is my identity, first and foremost.
"The moment the revelation hits you that the only one that knows you completely is the same one who loves you unconditionally, you will be unstoppable in the Kingdom of God. You’re missing the miracle because you feel unworthy. God never predicated His blessing on your worthiness. Perfection is not the price of admission to the Kingdom of God nor to the great works and mighty things He has called you to do on the earth. Imperfection has never stopped God from blessing anybody. The only thing that blocks your blessing is unbelief."
I truly believe that. If we could accept God's view of us, rather than believing the lies that we tell ourselves - we would be unstoppable. I also believe that if we lived this life in community, rather than isolation, we'd also be an unstoppable force. So don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Share your story and open the door for God to use it!
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| I love this photo because she is crying and she is also smiling. It's so real. |
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| In the midst of all the chaos, there is also so much beauty. And laughter. And fun. |
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| God has given us joy! |
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| We are still smiling. We are okay! God is GOOD. |
