part four.
Not enough. We could all fill in the blanks of areas in which we feel we are not enough. Forget what other people think - the greatest battle can be in our own minds. The doubts, the insecurities, and the lies we choose to believe can be deafening. If I chose to listen to the things that oh so quietly sneak into my thoughts, I would tell myself I am unworthy. Unwanted. Alone. Unqualified to walk this walk. This calling. But this is exactly what the enemy would have me to believe. This mindset is not only debilitating, but exhausting. There is such danger in living in that space.
This so simply yet beautifully says it all - "You don’t have to be enough. All you have to do is be close enough to the One who is more than enough. My God shall supply ALL your needs."
Our faith isn't about what we can do, but what HE can do in and through us. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It is Christ in me, the hope of glory.
I get it. It's a constant battle navigating life, as it's so unpredictable. My life was not picture perfect before, but now, on a lot of levels I find myself so unsure of my place. I had dreams and ideas of what my life would look like and now there are so many uncertainties. I fit in with a certain group. You know, in the kinda youngish married group with kids, where you've been married long enough to have a stable life. The house, the pets, kids in a private school, two great jobs - you get the idea. Life was moving in a certain direction and it all came to an abrupt halt. Now, I'm not quite sure where I belong. I heard this today and it stopped me in my tracks. "I gotta let go of what I think I’m supposed to be to become what I am." Our greatest set back can be in the area of our expectations. We try to script our own lives and make our own plans, rather than following the author of our very lives. I can only do this day by day, moment by moment. The past few months have required ultimate surrender. I don't understand it, but I don't have to. It might not make sense, but I trust in Him. Where my natural tendency would be to be freaking out right about now, I'm to the place where I'm just like - Okay, God. You work all things for good. You planted me here. You chose this path. Let's do this.
So many things have come my way, there are days I am literally in fits of laughter. Like, what else could possibly happen? You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Just trust me when I say it's been crazy. It's been so hard. Figuring out the finances, the house, the business, hiring a lawyer, going to court, facing people, facing life. The most difficult thing has been having real life conversations with the kids and working through their up and down emotions. But you guys, it has also been beautiful. There has been joy in the worst of circumstances. There is so much love, and yes, there is so much life.
The other night JJ was laying next to me and randomly said, "Mom? You're better than all the other moms. I am thankful for my family. A lot of people don't even have families. I am so blessed." He is seven. Even as he is processing all of these things that he shouldn't have to be, he is still choosing thankfulness. Of course we have had so many conversations about missing dad and wanting things to be like they were, but did you read what I just wrote?! Same kid who also chose to be baptized since all of this happened so he could share with the world that he loves Jesus.
I have no clue how this all plays out. I can't make sense of any of it - the why's, the how's, the what ifs? But I don't have to. Here's what I know. When God looks at me, He sees His child. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was bought at a price. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am chosen. I am called. I am who HE says I am, not what my flesh would want me to believe. He has a greater purpose. "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory." More than I could ask, more than I could imagine - He's got this, you guys! Rather than living in my dreams, I would rather live in Him.
I can live in the not enough or in He is enough. I choose the latter.
This so simply yet beautifully says it all - "You don’t have to be enough. All you have to do is be close enough to the One who is more than enough. My God shall supply ALL your needs."
Our faith isn't about what we can do, but what HE can do in and through us. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It is Christ in me, the hope of glory.
I get it. It's a constant battle navigating life, as it's so unpredictable. My life was not picture perfect before, but now, on a lot of levels I find myself so unsure of my place. I had dreams and ideas of what my life would look like and now there are so many uncertainties. I fit in with a certain group. You know, in the kinda youngish married group with kids, where you've been married long enough to have a stable life. The house, the pets, kids in a private school, two great jobs - you get the idea. Life was moving in a certain direction and it all came to an abrupt halt. Now, I'm not quite sure where I belong. I heard this today and it stopped me in my tracks. "I gotta let go of what I think I’m supposed to be to become what I am." Our greatest set back can be in the area of our expectations. We try to script our own lives and make our own plans, rather than following the author of our very lives. I can only do this day by day, moment by moment. The past few months have required ultimate surrender. I don't understand it, but I don't have to. It might not make sense, but I trust in Him. Where my natural tendency would be to be freaking out right about now, I'm to the place where I'm just like - Okay, God. You work all things for good. You planted me here. You chose this path. Let's do this.
So many things have come my way, there are days I am literally in fits of laughter. Like, what else could possibly happen? You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Just trust me when I say it's been crazy. It's been so hard. Figuring out the finances, the house, the business, hiring a lawyer, going to court, facing people, facing life. The most difficult thing has been having real life conversations with the kids and working through their up and down emotions. But you guys, it has also been beautiful. There has been joy in the worst of circumstances. There is so much love, and yes, there is so much life.
The other night JJ was laying next to me and randomly said, "Mom? You're better than all the other moms. I am thankful for my family. A lot of people don't even have families. I am so blessed." He is seven. Even as he is processing all of these things that he shouldn't have to be, he is still choosing thankfulness. Of course we have had so many conversations about missing dad and wanting things to be like they were, but did you read what I just wrote?! Same kid who also chose to be baptized since all of this happened so he could share with the world that he loves Jesus.
I have no clue how this all plays out. I can't make sense of any of it - the why's, the how's, the what ifs? But I don't have to. Here's what I know. When God looks at me, He sees His child. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was bought at a price. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am chosen. I am called. I am who HE says I am, not what my flesh would want me to believe. He has a greater purpose. "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory." More than I could ask, more than I could imagine - He's got this, you guys! Rather than living in my dreams, I would rather live in Him.
I can live in the not enough or in He is enough. I choose the latter.
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| Always protecting, always taking care of her. Shouldn't we have this kind of trust? |
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| We can always choose joy. |
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| This was a day that JJ was telling me how much he missed his dad. And we had the most beautiful conversation from it, and spoke so much about God as our Father. |
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| My heart! |
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| I love how much they love each other and stick together. |
