part ten.
Faith is a focus, and so is fear. Eight words formed into a simple sentence, and yet it holds such truth. There is so much power in our thoughts - in our focus. And we have the ability to choose. We can choose worry, or we can choose worship. We can choose hate, or we can choose love. Fear, or faith. The list goes on.
It's so easy to get frustrated with ourselves and our faith... or what can feel like a lack of. We know the truth, but often it's hard to stay fixated on truth and live in it. We are so easily distracted. Just like Paul says in Romans, "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." It reminds me of the lyrics from a Caedmon's Call song from back in the day,
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave.
My faith is like shifting sand,
So I stand on grace.
I think we can all resonate with that. But back to the power of our focus - if we feed our minds with truth, we will begin to gravitate towards it. What we put in our minds is what flows out. Through this journey of mine, I have saturated my mind in truth, because it's been my only path of survival. Initially, in those first few days I felt so empty, lost, and completely hopeless. I said out loud the day that the news broke, "I cannot do this." It felt like a living nightmare. A horror movie. My mind was spiraling out of control and I knew I couldn't continue to function that way. So, I changed my thought process. If I woke up in the middle of the night, I began to pray. When I got up in the mornings, I listened to podcasts while I worked out. When I was getting ready for the day or anytime I was in my car, I blasted worship music. I read so many books, many of which I shared about in my posts. Left alone, my mind wandered back to hopelessness. Anything that turned my heart and my mind to Christ, I was all in. And I have continued to do so. To put my hope in Christ alone. Scripture clearly instructs us on the things we should think on.
I just had this very conversation with Silas, as he has really been struggling. He is devastated. He misses his dad, who is probably the person that understood him more than anyone. They connected on a level that I cannot explain - their interests, their humor, their intelligence. Of course I love him more than the world, but I can only be mom. His sadness absolutely breaks my heart because the one thing I want to do is fix it for him. But, I cannot. I can talk with him, pray with him, speak truth over him, and surrender it to God. I trust that He's holding him and will work all things for his good. Those tears, that pain - God sees it, and He cares. He heals the brokenhearted. I shared with him the other night that we do have a choice in how we respond to the things life brings us. We do not have to stay stuck in our feelings and in despair. We have a choice to live in our pain and in our fear, or in our faith and our trust in God. Those two things look very differently. I could have chosen to stay in my bed, be depressed, cry all the time and feel hopeless. Or, make the choice to pick myself up and keep going. Keep trusting. Keep surrendering. Faith is a focus.
Of course, we all have our moments where we have a thought, or maybe look away for a moment. Or perhaps much longer than a moment. But if we are grounded in truth, we will find our way back. I have my moments and my tears, but I also fully trust in my God. Philippians 1:6 has become one of my favorite verses, "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." I stand on that promise and claim it. He is faithful.
I'll end with another song, because it says it better than I ever could.
Nothing I want that Your love doesn't offer
Nothing I've done that Your grace doesn't cover.
It's not over 'Til you say so
You are faithful
God You're faithful.
The cross is all the confidence I need
Your love won't give up on me
You never make a promise You don't keep
Your love won't give up on me.
It's so easy to get frustrated with ourselves and our faith... or what can feel like a lack of. We know the truth, but often it's hard to stay fixated on truth and live in it. We are so easily distracted. Just like Paul says in Romans, "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." It reminds me of the lyrics from a Caedmon's Call song from back in the day,
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave.
My faith is like shifting sand,
So I stand on grace.
I think we can all resonate with that. But back to the power of our focus - if we feed our minds with truth, we will begin to gravitate towards it. What we put in our minds is what flows out. Through this journey of mine, I have saturated my mind in truth, because it's been my only path of survival. Initially, in those first few days I felt so empty, lost, and completely hopeless. I said out loud the day that the news broke, "I cannot do this." It felt like a living nightmare. A horror movie. My mind was spiraling out of control and I knew I couldn't continue to function that way. So, I changed my thought process. If I woke up in the middle of the night, I began to pray. When I got up in the mornings, I listened to podcasts while I worked out. When I was getting ready for the day or anytime I was in my car, I blasted worship music. I read so many books, many of which I shared about in my posts. Left alone, my mind wandered back to hopelessness. Anything that turned my heart and my mind to Christ, I was all in. And I have continued to do so. To put my hope in Christ alone. Scripture clearly instructs us on the things we should think on.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
"Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
I just had this very conversation with Silas, as he has really been struggling. He is devastated. He misses his dad, who is probably the person that understood him more than anyone. They connected on a level that I cannot explain - their interests, their humor, their intelligence. Of course I love him more than the world, but I can only be mom. His sadness absolutely breaks my heart because the one thing I want to do is fix it for him. But, I cannot. I can talk with him, pray with him, speak truth over him, and surrender it to God. I trust that He's holding him and will work all things for his good. Those tears, that pain - God sees it, and He cares. He heals the brokenhearted. I shared with him the other night that we do have a choice in how we respond to the things life brings us. We do not have to stay stuck in our feelings and in despair. We have a choice to live in our pain and in our fear, or in our faith and our trust in God. Those two things look very differently. I could have chosen to stay in my bed, be depressed, cry all the time and feel hopeless. Or, make the choice to pick myself up and keep going. Keep trusting. Keep surrendering. Faith is a focus.
Of course, we all have our moments where we have a thought, or maybe look away for a moment. Or perhaps much longer than a moment. But if we are grounded in truth, we will find our way back. I have my moments and my tears, but I also fully trust in my God. Philippians 1:6 has become one of my favorite verses, "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." I stand on that promise and claim it. He is faithful.
I'll end with another song, because it says it better than I ever could.
Nothing I want that Your love doesn't offer
Nothing I've done that Your grace doesn't cover.
It's not over 'Til you say so
You are faithful
God You're faithful.
The cross is all the confidence I need
Your love won't give up on me
You never make a promise You don't keep
Your love won't give up on me.
 |
| My fearless little babe. |
 |
| I love these three. |
 |
| I'm curious what Halloween has in store? |
 |
| How is it possible to be so cute?! |
 |
| my j o y. |
