faith in the new.
When I truly stop and reflect on the goodness of God, my mind cannot grasp the depths of His love or the ways in which He has worked in our lives. I had a conversation with JJ the other night and my heart about exploded hearing his eight year old insight of how God has blessed us. He noted that that even though some really painful things have happened, God is restoring and creating new. That blew my mind, because our natural human inclination is to feel the pain, and yet he is choosing to see the healing. I have come more and more to the realization that we have the ability to choose our focus and perspective and must ask ourselves if we are focusing through the lens of our flesh or our spirit. I have described the past 16 months as a journey and it is that indeed. It has forever changed who I am, for the better. I was brought to the end of myself and to an experience with God like never before. We always need God, but this was an ache in my heart that knew I couldn't survive without Him. This has really caused me to think on the concept of faith and what it means.
Faith. It's such a small word, and yet a lifetime of learning. I heard it said once that if God told us all the trials we would experience - even if the outcome was good - we likely wouldn't have the faith to walk through it. The grace to walk this road has been God and God alone. While JJ and I were laying in bed quietly talking, I listened to his sweet heart reflect on what it means to have faith - to believe in what we cannot yet see. He recollected the day everything happened and how I gathered them in a circle and told them the news. He remembered the exact words I told them - "We will get through this. God will get us through this and work it all out for His good." We have held on to Romans 8:28 for dear life. There were times I had to say it until I believed it, but it has been my strength and my hope in the midst of the storm. I reminded JJ of the faith that he has demonstrated in God. He told me once, "Mom. Sometimes it feels like a rock. It reminds me of the story of Job and how God allowed a lot of bad things to happen to him. But Job had faith, and God restored everything to him. I believe God is going to do that for us." Cue the tears. Such wise words from a sincere little heart.
Oftentimes we want easy. A quick fix. That's not faith, nor does it represent the relationship God desires with us. Faith is a daily, moment by moment walk. We must keep going back to receive that which He so freely and lovingly wants to lavish upon us. I am so often reminded of the scripture that says, you do not have because you do not ask. My prayers have changed. I've learned to be bold, declaring His Word and promises over my situation relentlessly. And it's been a process. I remember praying so many times, "I'm still asking, I'm still seeking, I'm still knocking..." Almost a cry of, "Hey God, I'm still here. I'm still trusting. I'm still believing and claiming what you have spoken. I feel weak. I don't feel like I can do this, but I'm gonna keep coming back. I know you have this even if I cannot see the end result yet." Even though it's not an instantaneous fix, you know what's so beautiful? God gives us what we need for each day and it is always enough. I've heard the question posed, "What do you have? What is in your hands? What you have is all you need for what you are called to do today." 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Never has this resonated so deeply with my soul, because I'm not sure I really understood it. I don't feel like I have anything left God, but you can have it all.
I'm not sure faith makes sense from the outside or from a human perspective. Abraham packing up everything to go to an unknown place, must've sounded crazy. Noah building an ark when there had never been rain, made him a mockery. When David, only a young boy, stepped up to fight Goliath, he must've appeared ridiculous. When Jesus told the disciples to leave everything behind and follow Him, they likely looked foolish. At the end of the day, our faith is personal. Faith is bold. Faith is trusting wholeheartedly and taking the steps. Doing the thing. I likely couldn't count the things I have never done or perhaps missed because of fear. But there is freedom in listening to the voice of God and responding to His call. Faith comes from hearing, not by sight. If we only go off of what we see, we would never get anywhere.
Over the past many months, I began to pray for God to open doors and slam doors and to direct my steps. I prayed so specifically about what to do, where to live, desiring a relationship, what was best for the kids, what was best for our family long term. I sought counsel, prayed, and prayed some more. I listened to a podcast this morning that stated we need to stop speaking about our problems, and begin speaking to them. Stop dwelling on what we cannot control, and declare God's promises over our situation. In the process of laying it all down, God has unfolded each step so beautifully and so clearly. I have zero doubts in how He has moved and where He has placed us. Another verse I have held onto so tightly is, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." And oh, I am seeing it. That doesn't mean life is perfect and every problem magically goes away. What is means is I have tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good. We have taken the steps, one at a time, and can see the beauty coming forth from the ashes. We can see God working things for good. We can see His hand at work in all of our lives. All glory to God. Won't He do it! I say it to encourage others to step out in faith. I say it to affirm that still small voice - let it be louder than all the other voices. Proverbs 29:25 says, “It is dangerous to be concerned with what other people think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe” We have an audience of One. I have learned there will always be opinions, no matter what decisions we make. Ultimately, the only opinion that should concern us is His. No one else can speak to what God has spoken to you. We must not let the enemy distract or be tossed to and fro by the waves.
