walking in favor

What a year.  Truthfully, I say that in the best way.  2020 has been a year for the books for everyone, and I acknowledge in it's finality that no one was left unscathed.  We are all marked forever in different ways.  Many have lost loved ones, businesses, freedoms, and have had to adjust to new norms.  Things that never phased us now may bring a sense of fear.  Things that seemed foreign now feel almost normal.  Businesses, churches, schools, relationships - it's all changed.  And yet here I sit, in awe of one of my best years.  Calvin and I were thoughtfully reflecting on this the other night.  In the midst of absolute crazy, we have seen and experienced some of our greatest joys and blessings.  A friend told me at the beginning of the year that 2020 was going to be my year.  That 2019 was my year of Hell and it was done and behind me.  On with the new.  He wasn't wrong.

In January 2020 I went to India for two weeks.  This was a life changing experience on so many levels and was where God told me change was coming.  I felt an unsettling that I was no longer where I was supposed to be, I just didn't know what that meant.  It began a dialogue with God, of endless praying, seeking His guidance, and asking for wisdom.  Though I had no desire to move from where I had lived the past 15 years and from where my children had all been born and raised, though I finally had found a true home at my church, found true friendships, and worked a job I adored and saw myself at forever, God said it was time.  It was time to move on.  In absolute faith, we did just that.

In 2020 we moved cross country, I met the love of my life, we began new schools and a new job, moved into a new home, and I got married.  You know, small life events.  It's been the best six months of my life.  God has taught me so much about faith in this past year - about earnestly seeking Him and responding.  I wonder how many blessing we miss because we do not listen or respond out of fear.  Fear of all the what if's and the unknowns, or if it was really even God at all?  I want to live bold, I want to act, I want to do something.  I do not want to become satisfied in what's easy, or comfortable, or familiar.  

I love looking back to see what God has done.  Each year I pray for a word for the upcoming year to focus on.  A word for God to grow and bring forth change in me.  These were my thoughts from last year: 

"As I was praying, the word God gave me was renew {to restore}.  It means, to make like new; to restore, to begin again.  Pressing forward into 2020, I believe this word to be true.  With all my heart.  And I believe that, because I believe the promises of His Word.  I believe and have stood on the promise that "He works all things for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."  Obviously, I will not understand the fullness of what this means until I am looking back on it.  But, I believe a new season is coming.  "I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead..."  I believer greater things are yet to come.  I am thankful that His love is never-ending and that His mercies are new everyday.  I can see the promise...

"those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength."

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

"He restores my soul."

It never ceases to amaze me in looking back and seeing His faithfulness.  I always begin praying for a new word in the beginning of December.  God faithfully confirms when He speaks it, which He has brought to me over and over again these past few weeks.  The word He gave me for 2021 is favor.  What does it mean to walk in God's favor?  I believe it's walking in our true identity - in how He sees us, through the power of the Holy Spirit.  I believe it's submission, and doesn't come without sacrifice.  When the angel approached Mary to tell her what was to come, there are two truths that stand out to me.  He greets her saying, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”  To start, he tells her who she is.  She is highly favored.  The angel then tells Mary about the birth of Jesus and Mary asks how?  The angel responds back with who.  “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you."  Equally beautiful is her response, "I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” 

We see that the Lord delighted in her, the Lord was with her, and she was ready and willing to obey.  That's what I long for.  That is the desire of my heart, no matter the cost.  Mary could have chosen doubt, but she believed what God spoke to her and over her.  All she needed to accomplish His task through her was willingness.  I believe one of my biggest weaknesses is seeing myself as God sees me.  I so often fail to believe His truth in that.  It's easier for me to see it in others than in myself.  I believe that's what the Lord wants to show me in this upcoming year - His strength in and through me, His favor over me, and to have confidence in what He has prepared for me.  My purpose is not someone else's purpose.  I must trust in the gifts and abilities He's put in me, to accomplish His will.  I don't want to miss it because I'm looking at all the other things around me, that are not for me.  I am the Lord's servant.  May your word be fulfilled.  That's my prayer.

"May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us-- yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90:17